Hand-In-Hand (1/1) By Kate Dyer Athena1600@aol.com CATEGORY: S, MSR RATING: PG-13 (just some swearing) SUMMARY: Scully’s birthday comes along again, and Mulder surprises her. TIMESPAN: Around February 23rd, follows the US 5th season SPOILER WARNING: Tempus Fugit/Max, small references to Beyond the Sea, Anasazi / Blessing Way / Paper Clip, Jersey Devil, Never Again KEYWORDS: Scully’s Birthday, DISCLAIMER: Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, The Scullys, the Lone Gunmen, AD Skinner, and who ever else in this story belong to Chris Carter (whom I bow down to) and 10-13 Productions. I don’t get any money for writing this, just personal pleasure, no infringement intended. ARCHIVE: Anywhere, just keep my name and e-mail addy with it. (and I’d appreciate if you gave me the URL of the page ) FEEDBACK: I love getting feedback, so write and tell me what you thought =] Hand-In-Hand (1/1) By Kate Dyer Athena1600@aol.com ---------------------------------------- Margaret Scully Residence February 23, 1998 6:16 PM ---------------------------------------- Dana Scully leaned back in the driver’s seat and took a long breath before cutting the engine of her Ford Taurus. It was her thirty-fourth birthday. Yet another year had passed, and at times it seemed that it had been one of the worst years of her life. Before her cancer, all the years, all her birthdays seemed to flow together. The weeks and months had blended to become one. But her cancer had changed her view of the world. She held every day dear, and made everything count. She found herself celebrating pointless holidays like President’s day, thankful to live to see it come around once more. Before, she realized, I took everything too for granted, and now, she laughed, I am taking everything too un-for granted, turning nothingness into an obsession. Looking back at her thoughts, she realized that now she thought of everything on the basis of Before Cancer and After Cancer. An involuntary time line. Before her cancer she hadn’t been that close to her family especially her brothers. After her cancer, she now called them at least once a week. Before her cancer, she had no social life. After her cancer she had started meeting her best friend Ellen and her son, Dana’s godson, Trent, a couple of times a month for lunch. Hell, she had even sent Ed Jerse a letter around Valentine’s Day. Before her cancer, she and Mulder were just partners. After her cancer.......She shook the thought out of her head, afraid of the what ifs and what nows, and got out of the car and into the unseasonable warm air. Dana quickened her pace and approached her mother’s front door. She was glad her mother had invited her to a birthday dinner. Glad that she didn’t have to be alone. Mulder had evidently forgot her birthday yet again that year, and had rushed out of the office that afternoon in a hurry. she thought to herself. She reached for the door knocker and was startled when the door swung open under her hand. “Hi, honey, I saw you walk up.” her mother greeted her, pulling her into the house and slipping of her coat before embracing her. “How are you feeling?” Her mother asked. “Mom, I’m fine.” Dana answered, slightly rolling her eyes. she added to herself. “Now, that sounds like my G-Woman.” Surprised, Scully spun around to find herself looking into her partner’s hazel eyes. She gave him a rare, toothy smile. “So this is why you left in such a hurry, to beat me to my mothers.” “What, did you think I had a really hot date or something?” He questioned Scully blushed slightly, ashamed that she had thought exactly that. “Mulder, you couldn’t even get a really cold date.” She joked “Ouch. What did I do to deserve that? Let me remind you that this is the second year in a row that I’ve helped celebrate your birthday. And, I don’t remember you helping to celebrate my birthday this year.” He let the last part slip before realizing what he was saying, and instantly put his foot in this mouth. “Well,” she answered quietly, “Let me remind you that I was lying on my death bed on your birthday.” “You don’t need to remind me, Dana.” He said, his voice becoming husky as he tried to swallow his emotions. He reached out his hand and stroked her cheek before dropping it to his side. A long, awkward silence ensued. Margaret Scully, who still stood in the room, felt the tension building up between her daughter and Fox. She quickly walked forward and put her arm around her daughter’s shoulders, leading her toward the kitchen, with Fox in pursuit. Dana finally become aware of the sounds of people in the kitchen, and recognized her brother Bill’s voice. Margaret say her daughter’s eyes brighten as they entered the kitchen. “Look who’s finally here!” Margaret exclaimed, squeezing her daughter’s shoulder. “Billy!” Dana cried, rushing into her big brother’s awaiting arms. Bill Scully was so glad to see his sister truly happy fro once. Over Christmas, she had seemed so cold and distant. Dana pulled away to quickly give Tara, her sister-in- law, a half-hug, being careful not to squish her nephew who slept in his mother’s arms. “It’s only been a months and he’s huge!” She commented, kissing Matthew’s forehead. “I think Charlie would like to see you.” Bill said. “Charlie’s here?!” she gasped, for she hadn’t seen him in years. “Just for the night, before shipping out of Richmond.” Added Margaret Scully. After much hugging and socializing, they all sat down around the massive dinner table. During dinner, Charles delighted everyone with his Navy stories, while Bill and Tara shared the joys of being parents. They all added their memories of Dana, to her horror. Baby stories, tales of the first day of school, teenage love, prom dates gone bad, and weird cases with the FBI. Charlie had started to tell a story about Dana’s graduation night, when he had to pick her up from some wild party because she was too drunk to drive, when Dana shot him a glance with eyes like daggers. “Now, that’s my big sister, all right.” He chuckled upon receiving her icy stare. “Charles, please do continue.” Margaret Scully requested, her voice a little too polite. He stopped laughing and quickly changed the subject. “Well, Dana, you have one hell of a partner! I can see he takes good care of you.” He said, smiling at Mulder, who blushed at the sudden compliment, not used to being looked upon so highly. Bill, on the other hand, pressed his lips together in a firm line at the comment. “I know, I’m lucky.” She said simply, her eyes telling Mulder everything that she left unsaid. “He was the one who organized this, you know.” Her mother added. “Really?” She asked, once again looking toward Mulder, who had lowered his head and was staring at his hands. “Well, while I clean up, why don’t you all go play a game or something.” Margaret suggested, to which all the Scully children groaned. In the end, they ended up playing poker. Mulder was losing and only had a small pile of pennies left. “This isn’t fair, you guys are all too good!” Mulder whimpered as Dana laid down her hand to expose a full house. “We’re Navy Brats, comes with the trade.” Charlie explained. Dana excused herself, giving all her winnings to Mulder, who said that he would efficiently lose it all for her. She laughed and walked into the kitchen where her mother was washing dished. She picked up a wet plated and had begun to dry it when her mother asked: “So, how are you and Fox getting along?” “God, I knew I shouldn’t have come in here.” She sighed. “We’re partners, mom.” “Mmm-Hmmm.” Her mother murmured. “Do partners put their hands on each other’s knees throughout dinner?” Dana blushed, instantly regretting not discouraging Mulder’s gesture. At that instant Mulder walked in. “Sorry, Scully, I lost all your money.” He apologized, oblivious to his partner’s crimson cheeks and the tension echoing around the room “It’s OK.” Scully managed to force out. Her mother gave her a wry smile, and Dana grabbed Mulder’s hand and pulled him out the back door before her mother could say anything to embarrass her. “Mothers!” She muttered below her breath. “So?” Mulder questioned. “So, what?” Scully answered. “Well, you must have brought me out here for some reason.” Mulder smiled. He found Scully’s behavior strange, and when she didn’t answer, he asked, “Is that your brother’s tree house?” Pointing up at a tree about forty yards away. “No, it’s mine actually. Or, it was mine. It was here when we moved in. Billy was too old for a tree house, and was to graduate in a year anyway. Charlie was afraid of heights, and Missy hated doing things like climbing trees, so I inherited it. I used to spend a lot of time up there. To get away from everything. In a family of six, you’re lucky to get even a little time by yourself. Want to see it?” She finally concluded. “Sure.” Mulder answered. They began to walk toward the tree. “So, am I the first guy to be up there?” Mulder asked with a twinkle in his eye. “I used to bring my homecoming dates up here all the time, Mulder.” She answered. “Oh, well, ladies first.” He gesture toward the tree. “No, Mulder, you go first.” She replied with a slight sigh. When he gave her a classic Mulder look, she explained, “I’m wearing a skirt, Mulder.” “Oh,” he answered, his face lighting up, “Well, then by all means, you first.” “In your dreams.” She answered as he started climbing up the make shift ladder of boards nailed to the trunk of the maple tree. Near the top, his suit pants caught on a rough edge and ripped. He swore and remarked over his shoulder: “You know, you’ve caused me to ruin more Armani suits than I ever did before I met you!” “Shut up and get your ass into the tree house, Mulder.” She ordered from below him. “Jeez, I hope you weren’t this hostile with your homecoming dates!” He laughed as he pulled himself into the tree house, which was really just a platform with a small railing around it. He reach around and pulled Scully up next to him. He leaned against the railing as she got up and walked to the other side, opposite him. She looked into the back yard. “This brings back so many memories.” She said. “Good or Bad?” Mulder asked. “Both. I came up here the first day of tenth grade; with my first boyfriend; when I was stood up on prom night; with my dad to read Moby Dick; when Billy left for the Navy; when Daddy died; when Missy died; when you......” She stopped, letting the unfinished statement hang in the air. But he knew what she was going to say. When he was in New Mexico, presumed to be dead. She went on after a short silence, “I used to come up here every birthday. Now that I think of it, I had some really crummy birthdays.” She was silent for a minute, then continued, “I miss Pendrell.” She heard Mulder sigh. After a very long silence, Mulder said: “I used to have a tree house like this up at Quantogue. It was for boys only, though. I would never let Samantha come up.” He took a deep breath. “I was so mean to her, Scully. She probably hated me.” “Mulder, you were her big brother. She loved you unconditionally, no matter what. She probably worshipped you.” Scully said. “Yeah. There were a couple times when I did let her come up. We would bring up sleeping bags and spend the night up there. She would sit next to me, and I would name all the different constellations until she fell asleep in my arms.” He said, smiling at the memory. Scully turned, crossed the tree house, and sat down next to him. He felt her move close. “Well?” She asked. “Well, what?” He answered, turning his head to meet her eyes. He smiled and put his arm around her shoulders. He raised his right are to point up and slightly to the left. “Well, those stars there make up Ursa Major, the Great Bear. See, a long time ago......” He continued, telling the story of how the great bear ended up in the night sky. As interesting as the story probably was, Dana Scully didn’t hear a word of it. She found herself studying her partner’s face, the contour of the ridges of his forehead. The beauty of his face against the moonlight. His lips as they moved, and his throat as he talked. She realized suddenly that he had finished and quickly remarked: “That doesn’t look like a bear to me.” Fox Mulder smiled. Sometimes Dana Scully was just like his sister. Sometimes she filled Samantha’s place in his life, but not in his heart. She filled a different part of his heart, one that swelled wanting more from her. He need her, needed her love. It wasn’t a physical or sexual desire, he just needed someone to love him unconditionally, to give him the love that he was denied as a child. “Sometimes people see things that you and I don’t.” He answered. His comment reminded Scully of her mother, who always insisted that Dana and Fox had chemistry. Maybe they did, and she had never seen it. The thought frightened her, and she looked away from him and back up to the millions of points of light. Mulder did the same, and at that instant they both saw a shooting star dart across the sky. “How beautiful!” Dana gasped, laying her head on Mulder’s shoulder. “Did you make a wish?” She heard Mulder ask, his voice rumbling under her ear. “Yeah, did you?” She asked. “Yep, I wished...” “Well, don’t tell me, or it won’t come true!” She interrupted. She was just like Samantha, he thought, smiling. “I’ll take my chances on this one.” He replied, turning to face her and grabbing her small hands in his. “I wished that we could stay like this forever,” he started, her eyes widening, “you in my arms, sharing each other’s warmth, staring up at the sky, the moonlight falling beautifully on your face.” “No, Mulder, don’t say this.” Scully pleaded, to no avail. “Dana, I have never felt like this about someone. I need you, I want you, I can’t lose you again! Dana, I..I love you.” He confessed. She turned away, nervous under his glance, which revealed his raw emotions. He reached out and gently turned her face back toward him. When he did, he saw her eyes had become wet with tears. As the first trickled down her cheek, he caught it with his finger and wiped it off of her cheek. “Are those happy tears or sad tears?” He asked solemnly. “Both. But above all, fear.” She answered honestly. “Fear? Of me?” “No, of....” “Love?” Mulder finished for her. “I can’t do this Mulder.” She said, starting to move away. “Dana, you’re the strongest person I have ever known. You can do this.” “Mulder, why are you doing this. You know I’ve never had a real relationship.” She was aware of the tears trickling down her cheeks and tried with all her might to stay in control. “Why is that?” He asked. “Well, you’re the Oxford trained psychologist, you tell me.” She answered, slightly sarcastically. “Well, you moved a lot when you were a kid, and you probably learned after a while that if you didn’t make any attachments, you wouldn’t be hurt, or you wouldn’t hurt anyone else. Maybe you feel that you could never have such a good relationship as your parents had.” Mulder’s description of her darkest emotions scared her, and she quickly stood up. “This is right, Dana.” He said. “No, Yes. I thought Med School was right, but it wasn’t. I felt that the FBI was right, but now I’m not so sure. You.....we feel right, as partners.” She explained. “We are right, Dana, we belong together.” He said “No Mulder, I can’t do this. I don’t feel the way you do.” There. She had said it. She found herself denying everything these days. She denied her cancer, and now she was denying her feelings. Mulder’s face fell under the weight of her words. She turned to leave, but he grabbed her hand. She looked down at him, her eyes emotionless, his pleading and desperate. “No, no...don’t...please don’t go.” He pleaded. “I can’t stay here right now. I need some time.” “No, please don’t Mulder.” Scully pleaded. “We’ll do this on your time, Scully, just...” “Please, please let me go.” She begged. He slowly released her hand and she clambered down the tree. He realized that this was the second time in not that long that he had lost his grasp on a woman he loved. He broke down then, the tears coming involuntarily, and he let them stream down his cheeks and onto the plywood floor of the tree house. Scully hated herself for hurting Mulder as she had. God knows, she needed him too, but the idea of love, true love, scared the hell out of her. The flirting and subtle jokes that they tossed at each other playfully were harmless, but this was....this was love..true love. And she, Dana Katherine Scully, the strongest woman in the world, the woman who, supposedly, wasn’t afraid of anything, who could shut down her emotions at will, was deathly afraid to truly love another. She burst through the back door of her mother’s house and crumbled into a sobbing mess on to one of the kitchen chairs. “My God, Dana!” Her mother cried, running over to her. “Are you hurt?” By this time, both her brothers and Tara were hovering around her. Dana was incoherent and kept muttering: “Oh, Mulder, I’m so sorry,” over and over again. In a few minutes she had taken some control of herself and had stopped crying. The start of an engine and the squeal of tires on asphalt as Mulder sped off sent her into another fit of tears. Bill pulled his sister into his arms. “What did the bastard do to you, Dana? I’ll hunt him down and kill him for hurting you.’ He was reminded of her freshman year in high school, when she had been stood up on prom night. He had made the same promise back then. “Oh God, Bill, what have I done,” was all she could say. ---------------------------------------- Margaret Scully Residence February 24, 1998 11:21 AM ---------------------------------------- Dana Scully took a long sit of her now-cold coffee. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Thanks for letting me stay her last night, Mom.” “Oh, Dana, it was no trouble.” Her mother answered sincerely. “Another birthday ruined.” Dana sighed. Her mother looked at her sympathetically. “Well, I’m happy that it gave me a chance to spend time with my family.” She said, smiling. Dana sighed again. “I should call work.” She said, after a short silence. She picked up the phone which was hanging on the wall, and dialed the familiar number. Her call was forwarded to Skinner, to whom she was reluctant to speak to. “Agent Scully.” AD Skinner addressed her. “Good morning, sir,” she answered, turning away from her mother, “I’m not feeling well, and I think I’m going to take the day off.” “Are you sure, Agent Scully?” Skinner queried. “I am a doctor, sir.” She said crossly. “It’s just that Agent Mulder already called in sick.” He replied, slightly exasperated. “Oh. Well, maybe I will stop by this afternoon. To make sure work doesn’t back up.” “Yeah, so work doesn’t back up.” He replied wryly. “Don’t forget our meeting tomorrow morning.” “What meeting?” Scully asked. “The one I just scheduled for eleven thirty. Make sure Agent Mulder is there also.” He replied, hanging up. “Skipping school again, Dana?” Her mother asked. “Mom. You wouldn’t understand.” She retorted. “Try me.” She responded. Her daughter didn’t answer her, but just scowled. “What did Fox say to you last night that upset you so much?” “I don’t want to talk about it.” “But you need to.” Scully sighed. “He said...he said....he said that he..he...” She stuttered. She took a long breath to quench the butterflies in her stomach. “He said that he...loved....me.” She finally finished, staring out the kitchen window. “Is that a bad thing?” Her mother asked. “Yes. No. Oh, Mom, I don’t know. I don’t know what to think.” She admitted. “Well, what do you feel?” Margaret asked. When her daughter answered her with a questioning glance, she elaborated. “Do you love him?” Dana stayed silent for a long time contemplating the question before answering. “Yes, but...” “But what?” “Mom, you and Daddy always used to tell us the story of how you met. About how you knew that you would spend the rest of your life with him the instant that Dad walked off of his ship toward you. And he used to say he knew you would be his one and only from the first instant he laid eyes on you. You just knew. I don’t know. What if he isn’t meant for me?” “You have to take that chance, Dana.” “But, is there life after love? Will I be able to survive it? We wouldn’t be able to work together. They would separate us because of it, and close the X-Files. I can’t risk doing that to Mulder. The X-Files are his life.” “So are you. Fox is a very intelligent man. Do you think he hadn’t thought for weeks, months about the consequences and his true feelings. He wouldn’t have told you that he loved you if he didn’t mean it and wasn’t ready to handle the consequences. His feelings aren’t in question here. Yours are though. Don’t deprive yourself of love out of fear, Dana. Embrace it and chase the demons away.” Dana Scully just stared out the window before leaning over and kissing her mother’s cheek. “Thank you.” She whispered, before grabbing her coat and heading out the front door. ---------------------------------------- Fox Mulder’s Apartment February 24, 1998 2:14 PM ---------------------------------------- Scully hurried down the hall of Mulder’s Alexandria apartment building, stopping in front of apartment number 42. She had already tried calling him on his cell phone, but found that he wasn’t answering it. After knocking about 5 times, she let herself in. She found the apartment empty, and was about to leave when she noticed a flashing red light out of the corner of her eye. Moving toward the table in his...his...living room...bedroom, whatever the hell it was, she saw that he had one message on his answering machine. She pressed the button to hear it, and the room was filled with the Lone Gunmen’s voices. She cringed and started to leave again. Grabbing her phone, she quickly dialed their number. “Lone Gunmen’s office.” Langly answered. “It’s Agent Scully, has Mulder called at all?” She asked hurriedly, glancing at her watch. “Hold on, I wasn’t here this morning, but I’ll ask Byers.” The voice on the other end replied. Turning to Byers and Frohike, he said, “Guys, it’s Agent Scully,” holding up the phone before putting his hand over the receiver. “And how is the lovely Agent Scully this fine day?” Frohike interrupted. “I don’t know,” Langly responded, “she sounds strange. She didn’t even ask me to turn off the recorder. She’s looking for Mulder.” “Umm, Mulder called while you two were out. Something is wrong, he sounded really bad on the phone. Tell here that he said he was going running near the Tidal Basin this afternoon, though.” Byers said. “Will do, dude.” Langly replied before turning back to the phone to relate the information. ---------------------------------------- Near the Tidal Basin Washington DC February 24, 1998 5:11 PM ---------------------------------------- Scully sighed as she finally got off I-95 and into DC. She had picked one hell of a time to try to get into the city. As she neared the Tidal Basin, she saw a solitary jogger, merely a silhouette against the setting sun. She started to turn her car around, when she heard a song come of the radio. Dana Scully turned off the radio and pulled into a now-vacant parking space near the new FDR Memorial. Taking a deep breath, she hurried toward the path bordering the Basin. Mulder was so lost in thought that he didn’t see his partner until she was a few hundred feet away. She sat down on a nearby bench, and he joined her, keeping a safe distance between them. They sat quietly, each waiting for the other to start the inevitable conversation. “These cherry trees,” Scully started, gesturing towards the trees surrounding them with her hand, “were the first ever in the United States. They were sent here from Japan.” Her subconscious reminded her. “Look at them. They are bare. The winter has killed the precious blossoms. I’m.....afraid.” She admitted, looking at him then. Her voice caught in her throat. “Will that happen to me? Will I be left emotionally barren? Just an empty shell? Some people think that I am already empty, with no emotions; but I’m not, I just...just hide them so that they aren’t taken away. But that itself makes me empty...and heartless. I...I need time. Time....and...help.” She looked at him, asking him to forgive her and to help her try. He smiled at her, and then looked across the Basin toward the Jefferson Memorial. “Do you believe, Scully?” “Believe in what?” She answered. “The things we have seen.” “Well, some of it.” She admitted, “I definitely don’t believe in all of it, but, yes, I have seen some things that I have believed in.” “I remember that first year we were together. You sat at my bedside when I had been shot, and you told me that you were afraid to believe. And now you do. Well, some of it at least.” She gave him a rewarding half-smile. “And now you say that you’re afraid to love. We’ll conquer this together, Scully.” He took her hand in his and intertwined their fingers. “You and me.” He leaned his head back, looking at the tree limbs above him. “Dana,” He suddenly exclaimed, sitting up straight. “What is it, Mul....Fox?” His name sounded good coming from her lips, and she liked the feel of it. “Look,” he said, pointing at the cherry branches above them, “the cherry trees, look, they’re not dead and barren!” He looked at her with such compassion that it took her breath away. “They’re budding.” He finished squeezing her hand. Then they smiled at each other, stood up, and walked off, into the fading sunset. Hand-in-hand.